it’s alive

It hurts. Oh, it hurts so much.

This burning, scorching feeling in the pits of my stomach. It’s alive.

It’s screaming to be let out but I know she won’t survive.

So I hide her away and wait out her cries until she finally lets me fall asleep tonight.

What’s worse is that it can hurt so good too.
Like when I’m watching a romantic show on the tube. And he kisses her like he’s starving and she’s food.

The feeling, she comes back and screams to be let out. Can never let her know her sister lives in my mouth.

Her sister, she throws tantrums when I kiss him. She makes my teeth ache and go numb and I wince from anger because she’s so difficult to discipline.

Something in me is always begging, starving, suffering or bargaining. And I like it that way. I like the way it hurts most of the time. Most of the time I can manage. And when I finally can’t, I let them out and watch them die. But then the pain comes back again and I feel alright. I will sleep tonight.