Nana

Nana

The rains had been unrelenting, you stare at the fat goblets as the hit the window pane in quick succession, thankful you're not inside it. The room you're in feels a bit chilly, but that is what Nana wants. Even a little warmth gets her all sweaty and grouchy
Just then she coughs and you cover the few miles betwist you in a jiffy.
She looks up at you, slightly disoriented. She is always that way after waking up from a nap. Her glassy eyes somewhat opaque. Age, what a leveller!
You try to sit her frail body up, propping her up with two of the pillows on the bed. Her gaze never wavers from you, a bit hesitant and a bit fearful
Suddenly she grabs your arm with unexpected strength as she whispers 'never leave me' and you cannot stop the floodgates, they open and pour. You hug her still form, crying silently, hating yourself for the silence over the years. Hating your status, hating your stupid, selfish reasons.
Your nana, the indefatigable nana of those years, who had always had your back, kissed you loved you, brought you into this, sometimes tiring world. Big, bold, fearless ready to take up the world for you. But, now, is a pale shadow of herself, bedridden, with a sometimes failing memory. You cannot help yourself as you weep some more, even as you cradle her your face against hers as she goes back to sleep.
You lay her down gently again and curse yourself. Why had it taken you so long, too long to come back home?
But, you knew the answer. Everyone did. You hadn't achieved anything reasonable in your sojourn in the abroad. A life well planned had come un-stock at the seams. A marriage gone south, an estranged daughter who felt you were too harsh as she had decided to be non binary, a term you could not understand or endure. Almost penniless as you had lost your job, and had become homeless in the abroad, sleeping in your car, your new home.
You missed nana and you missed home, but what would you say you had achieved?  Financial stability? A good marriage? A happy home? All the answers reeked of deep failure. Even your friends had abandoned you. Nothing seemed to be working. Your sky felt like it was falling.
You return back to your seat beside the window, the frequency of the fat rain goblets had lessened, the rains were stopping. You shuddered a little and sighed. You were home now, against all odds.

Solape Adetutu Adeyemi@2024