without him

I miss you so much.
I miss you like how I miss when it would snow on Christmas.
I miss the comfort of your arms more than any bed I’ve ever laid in.
I still anticipate your call every night,
Like one day the universe will acknowledge that should still be our ritual.
I yell into the sky,
cursing the universe for not being fair,
why separate me from such a beautiful thing?
One that didn't take my ugly parts away, but taught me to embrace them.
I miss your laugh so much,
I miss it even more because I can barely remember it.
I replay every conversation we’ve had so I can still hold on to that version of you, even though it kills me inside.   
If I rip all my hair out, will you come back and pick it up,
If I act like I never cared, will you come back at least, to change that?
I scream for you in my bed, hoping somehow you’ll hear me and rescue me from this nightmare I live everyday, where i do not have you.  
I go through withdrawals without you,
Like you are some kinda miracle drug I need.
You were a miracle,
But even more than that, you made me feel
Like I was a miracle too.