She Is

Discuss the poem She Is with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/166409/she-is

1 Comment

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  I genuinely loved reading your poem! The way you've used metaphorical language to create a powerful and emotional narrative is incredibly commendable. It is very insightful and the realization phase in the end adds a unique twist that is both thought-provoking and empowering. I particularly love the metaphor of the 'drowning woman' which perfectly symbolizes individuals struggling in various life situations.
  
  However, I feel you can further refine your poem in a few areas:
  
  1. Rhythm and Meter: Your poem seems to lack a consistent rhythm and meter. If you can work on this aspect, it will improve the poem's flow, make it more musical to read, and enhance the overall reading experience.
  
  2. Imagery: Though your poem does include vivid imagery, the metaphoric element can become much stronger if you can paint a more vivid picture of 'the bright light expanding within her.'
  
  3. Show, Don't Tell: Describing emotions such as fear, despair, and eventual joy will make the reader feel a greater connection to your poem. Instead of mentioning 'she cried,' you could describe her tears, her sobs, the emotions overwhelming her – create a scene that makes the reader empathize with the protagonist.
  
  Overall, an exciting and emotional piece with lots of potential - keep up the superb work! more »

  LikeReply9 months ago