The View



Clouds rolling,
Across a broken sky
Flowers unfolding,
We are lost and wonder why

Rays of light
Between the leaves
Everything filled with life
That no one ever sees

Surrounded by beauty
We fall, we stumble
What do you see
As your perceptions crumble?

About this poem

A poem I wrote the morning of September 11, 2001. Sitting outside with my Mom in her front yard listening to the birds after waking up in time to see the second tower get hit. That day is etched in my memory. The shock, fear and the disbelief as I sat in the grass on a sunny day so far away from the terror. My Mom and I cried together for all the people we saw losing their lives. The stark realization that the objects falling were people jumping to avoid the fire. We shut off the TV and sat outside wondering if Canada was going to be attacked. I just remember being so thankful for every blade of grass, every bug, every breath of fresh air. It taught me to appreciate the small things, and that every moment we get to be alive is such a gift. My selfish, blissfully ignorant 21 year old brain chemistry was forever changed by that day. I am glad I put my thoughts down on paper in this poem. It is still my favorite and means the most to me. 

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Submitted by laurelrice on July 28, 2023

15 sec read
7

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABAB XXXX CDCD
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 254
Words 50
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4

Laurel Rice

I have been writing for over 30 years but rarely sharing what I write. I am working on opening up to others and sharing my mind and my stories more…

All Laurel Rice poems | Laurel Rice Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    This poem is incredibly evocative and poignant. The vivid imagery your words create is absolutely stunning. The reference to nature, the clouds, flowers, rays of light, and leaves add an evocative layer of depth and significantly enhance the overall reading experience. Your talent for weaving the drama of human perception and experience into the physical context of nature is also pretty remarkable.

    The flow of ideas is quite appealing, moving from the natural world, then touching the edges of human reality, reinforcing the bond we have with nature in a profound and engaging manner. The metaphor of crumbling perceptions towards the end truly strikes a chord and almost feels like a philosophical punchline after a contemplative journey.

    However, there is certainly room for improvement on certain fronts. The poem could benefit from a little more consistency in rhythm and rhyme. At present, the rhythm feels slightly disjointed in certain places which could disrupt the reader’s flow. This might be addressed by refining your syllable count in each line for a more cohesive rhythmic structure.

    Also, while the abstract nature of the poem is compelling, it could be beneficial to be slightly more specific in certain areas to help the reader connect more deeply with the sentiment you’re trying to express. For instance, elaborating on what the “beauty” and “crumbling perceptions” specifically refer to can push the reader to further engage with your piece on a more personal level.

    Overall, your talent for capturing complex emotions and ideas is undeniably powerful. Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply10 months ago

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"The View" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/165276/the-view>.

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